


Refusal

by Sapphictaurus



Series: Refusal & Acknowledgement [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alex needs a hug, Eliza Danvers' A+ Parenting, F/F, Mentions of alcoholism, angst kinda, verbal and emotional abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:27:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27909718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sapphictaurus/pseuds/Sapphictaurus
Summary: Abuse is loud. It’s messy. It’s violent. Alex has seen enough violence in her life to know what physically toxic relationships look like, she knows that her mother never crossed that line.Eliza had never ever hit her, so how could it be abuse?
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Kelly Olsen
Series: Refusal & Acknowledgement [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2046239
Comments: 4
Kudos: 36





	Refusal

**Author's Note:**

> Here’s something short and sad because I like diving into my comfort characters pain I guess 💀
> 
> I would also like to give Alex Danvers a big ole hug tyvm, I think she deserve one.
> 
> *all mistakes are my own, you know the drill*

She can’t– won’t call it abuse. Because it wasn’t abuse, Eliza never hit her, never denied her food or water, never did any of the other horrible things that a parent could physically do to their child. Her mother never abused her.

And yet, Lillian Luthor’s words from three years ago still ring as present as ever in her mind on the nights she can’t quite sleep. 

_ “Do you know what I see when I look at you?” A pause. “ An abused child.” _

At the time, Lillian had been talking about the pro alien ideology that had supposedly been instilled in her mind by both her parents and the DEO separately. Alex knew that. She knew the comment had solely been about that and nothing more– because truthfully the ocean would have completely dried up and the sun would have exploded into a million tiny bits before Lillian Luthor ever acknowledged abusive dynamics under the guise of parenting.

  
  


Eliza never abused her.

  
  


It’s a mantra she repeats to herself over and over again because it’s true even if it doesn’t feel right to say it.

They had already talked about it, hadn’t they? Years ago after Kara first became supergirl, they talked about it and Eliza promised to be better and it was fine. 

What point was there in being hung up about a conflict that had already been resolved?

  
  


Her mother didn’t abuse her.

Her mother ignored her. Made her feel unwanted, unimportant, unloved. Her mother made her feel like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders and then chastised her when she had inevitably crumbled underneath the unbearable force, but Eliza had never abused her.

Abuse is loud. It’s messy. It’s violent. Alex has seen enough violence in her life to know what physically toxic relationships look like, she knows that her mother never crossed that line.

Eliza had never ever hit her, so how could it be abuse?

There were never physical bruises, or broken bones, or injuries that she would have to cover up with makeup or long sleeves.

She could admit that sometimes there were words that had made her cry, left emotional bruises on her heart for a while until she learned how to deal with them– but what kind of daughter would she be if she called it abusive now?

  
  


She finds herself sitting on the couch one late Friday evening, she and Kelly are cuddled up watching some movie that Alex honestly couldn’t tell you the name of even if you paid her– and Kelly is warm, gentle, holding her close as she speaks softly.

“It doesn’t have to be physical in order for you to call it abuse.” She says, seemingly out of the blue even though Alex knows that it really isn’t.

Whether the statement comes from the fact that Kelly is just a naturally observant person, or because Alex has gotten a lot worse at hiding how she really feels about certain things– she doesn’t know. All she does know is that her chest tightens, her eyes water, and it’s suddenly become nearly impossible to think or speak.

_ “I’m disappointed in you Alex.” _

_ “What would your father say about this if he were here?” _

_ “You’re supposed to take care of your sister.” _

_ “Kara comes first.” _

_ “I don’t understand how you could do this Alexandra!” _

_ “Kara you always looked good in blue...and Alex you look a little tired sweetie.” _

  
  


Kelly looks up at her for a moment, as if she were trying to read her thoughts, but it must be evident on her face that she doesn’t want to talk about it, because the brunette doesn’t say anything else. She only leans up just enough to kiss her cheek, holding her a little tighter to provide a bit of extra comfort, and they watch the rest of the movie in silence.

  
  


The next week she  _ finds _ one of Kelly’s old psychology books laying on her coffee table, seemingly left there by accident. This one just happens to be about emotional abuse and its long term effects on the psyche. 

Alex does have half the mind to laugh at the sight, because Kelly may possess many talents but subtlety has never been one of them.

Still, she leaves the book where it is and doesn’t pick it up. She doesn’t need to read it. Because Eliza didn’t abuse her.

  
  


She remembers feeling unwanted, she remembers feeling unimportant, and unloved, and unworthy. She remembers doing everything in her power to flip that around, she remembers trying to be perfect. She remembers being unhappy.

Most importantly she remembers the night she drank so much she had to have her stomach pumped–barely escaping the very real possibility of liver failure or eventual certain death– and when she woke up in the hospital, her mother was there at her bedside.

_ “What if you had died Alexandra? Imagine what that would do to your sister.” _

  
  


As quickly as the memories come to mind, she blinks them away, refusing to settle on them for too long. If she thinks about it too much, she’ll hate her mother for making her endure it– she knows that much.

But still, she can’t call it abuse.

**Author's Note:**

> I swear I don’t hate Eliza, but I wish the writers would touch more on how her words and actions have impacted Alex in the past.
> 
> Thanks for reading <3


End file.
